Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
