Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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