Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
