Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
