I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I need moral support for this bender
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
