Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
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