Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
