Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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