and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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