so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
