I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
