Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
