I'd wear matching sweaters with you
it was like eating out sand paper
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
