just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
