I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
