Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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