I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
