I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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