ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
