I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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