I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
