mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
