We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
