im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
