I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We were destined to go to rehab together
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
