I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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