I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
