so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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