Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I have surprise drugs for everyone
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
