I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
