I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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