if you like me you must not know who I am
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
what day is it and did you see me today?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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