I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
