Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
