I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I need to sanitize my soul.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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