So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
