...so i touched it.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
