First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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