i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
