Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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