My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i out mim tonsoeep
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
