The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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