There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
it's like iHOP with fire
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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