just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
