just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
