You can't special order awesome
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
