I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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