I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
