You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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