I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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