my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize