when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
