omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize