In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
