the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
