yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
