Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
